In a massive survey carried out by the In Depth Investigation of Ordinary Thought the people of Britain have thrown down the gauntlet to the main political parties. They polled half a million potential voters. The findings are intriguing.

The main issues that concerned people were public services, crime and paedophiles. 90% said that more money should be spent on schools, 87% that more should be spent on the police and 94% that more money should be spent on health. 89% said that there should be a substantial cut in tax. And 43% said that tax should be abolished altogether. Almost half said that they would vote for any party who promised to castrate suspected paedophiles. Another 5% said that they would vote for any party who promised to castrate suspected paediatricians.

92% said that, although they didn’t know anyone who had been a victim of crime in the last year, the risk of crime had increased significantly. 37% said that they carried some form of weapon as self-defence just in case. They said that if they had to take the law into their own hands it was the fault of the incompetent police and uncaring government.

About the political process, 97% said that they didn’t think it mattered who won the election. 87% said that government was peripheral to their lives. Whilst 76% said that most things wrong with their lives was the fault of the government in some way. Over half thought that elections should be held less often, the majority saying around every ten years was about right. 14% thought that putting a cross against a nominee’s name would vote them off in the first round.

All agreed that politicians never delivered.