As Mayday Bank Holiday arrives, and a few minutes of dry weather are forecast somewhere in the South of England at around three o’clock in the morning, Supermarkets are stocking up on sausages. Yes, it’s time to eat charcoal encrusted raw meat (and cereal filler) served on a bed of soggy bread in a jus […]

After a bout of thorough spring cleaning by an army of grannies from Eastbourne, beaches in Kent and Sussex have been awarded thirty one yellow and blue flags between them. That means that you could eat off them, if you don’t mind the taste of sand, and if you don’t then quite frankly you’re very […]

Apparently half of British adults are fed up of being told what to eat by so-called do-gooders. Blighty has news for them, the other half of British adults are fed up of listening to you lot whinge all the time! It’s advice! No one is forcing you to eat anything. These are the same people […]

2008’s European city of culture has a problem with its pavements. They’re adhesive. As you can imagine this makes getting around a tad difficult. Walking through its centre has become a chore only attempted by people with time to spare. No one but the unemployed venture out during week days. Discarded shoes litter the pavements. […]

Today Blighty would like address our readers from across the pond. That’s Americans in case you’re unaware of which side of the pond Blighty is on or what the hell pond he’s banging on about anyway.
Blighty is rather concerned about this man (see below).

American version of Christopher Hitchens
America, what have you done to […]

The Royal Mail have hit upon a devious scheme to keep employees from ringing in sick from the pub all the time. They enter workers who haven’t been off work for six months into prize draws to win cars and holiday vouchers. Previously all seven members of staff who managed this unprecedented stretch of continual […]

In these post-empire days of British self-deprecation it might often seem as though we no longer lead the world in anything much anymore, but hold that thought. Because in some areas we still remain unrivaled. No one can drink like our Great British girls! Our dipsomaniac damsels, staggering around towns jamming stiletto heels into grates, […]

It’s that time in the election campaign when the great and good declare their voting intentions. Yes, those celebrities everyone has forgotten about drag themselves out of rehab and try to court publicity by saying they intend to vote Conservative.
It’s good to know who to boycott in future. As is usually the case, however, if […]

Tourists have been flocking to Glastonbury ever since Joseph of Arimathea mislaid his favourite mug on Tor Hill. It wasn’t any old mug. It was the one from which a Jewish chap called Jesus drank his last cup of tea. According to legend, he was a PG Tips man.
Tor Hill was previously known as Avalon, […]

Another day another bunch of religious nutters barging around telling people what to do. This time it is a group of Muslim extremists who are making a nuisance of themselves. They stormed into a meeting held by the Muslim Council of Britain while they were discussing the general election. The group believe that it is […]