The Royal Mail have hit upon a devious scheme to keep employees from ringing in sick from the pub all the time. They enter workers who haven’t been off work for six months into prize draws to win cars and holiday vouchers. Previously all seven members of staff who managed this unprecedented stretch of continual attendance won something.

Of course, there is a down side to the resulting improvement in attendance records. While they aren’t at work postmen aren’t pilfering things out of packages or leaving them outside your door for someone else to nick. And it has to be said that the streets are more pleasant places without their morose mugs bringing the whole place down. Then there are the drivers parking their vans in the middle of the road while they do their really important work ’so shut the **** up you ****** *** ***!!’

Royal Mail group director for people Tony McCarthy says, ‘This package of practical support and `thank-yous’ has made a big difference.’ Keep your eye on that package chum, it might end up in some postie’s locker!