Dorchester is in the heart of Thomas Hardy country, which means that it doesn’t actually exist. Although many claim to have visited this apocryphal town, they are usually people with bird’s nest hair called Earthworm, high on magic mushrooms. Hardly reliable types.

Just south of Dorchester, if it existed, are the Maumbury Rings. These are Stone Age… stones (duh!) that were used by Romans as a venue to watch the second division of the Gladiator league, featuring those not good enough to play the Colosseum in Rome. There was promotion and relegation between the two leagues until a Roman media company bought out the Colosseum league, leaving Maumbury to struggle on financially until it eventually went bust and became a treasured historic ruin.

In the 17th Century a group of Puritans, who, with typical British humour, mischievously claimed to be from Dorchester, founded New Dorchester in Massachusetts USA. These were people who believed that having bad skin and facial growths was the surest way into God’s kingdom. Those who sported the largest warts were considered the holiest of all men.

Other places to see if you’re visiting Hardy country are the Hangman’s Cottage, where you can experience the thrill of being choked to death by the wise-cracking executioner and Dorset Military Museum, which boasts Adolf Hitler’s desk, still hiding his substantial stash of homo-erotic magazines. Not a bad day out, for a place that doesn’t exist!

Other Blighty Guides