Edinburgh is a small town north of England in a picturesque and idyllic theme park known as ‘Bonnie Scotland’. Unlike most of the surrounding area, people actually work in Edinburgh, and not all of them in the tourist industry. Indeed, it has many of the attractions found in towns elsewhere in the British Isles including pubs, restaurants, shops and homeless people fixated on getting a cup of tea.

Edinburgh Castle dominates the town. It sits upon a volcano that only erupts occasionally when England lose a game of football and overexcited locals set it off. The castle apart, there is plenty of other architecture of interest. Elegant Georgian houses, parks and gardens are a feature during the day. Whilst at night it turns into a medieval town of dark alleyways inhabited by scribbling authors.

Thousands of American and Japanese tourists flock to Edinburgh every year to take photographs of themselves standing beside local men dressed in skirts. Take care, however, as the sight of tourists has been known to evoke the wail of the Bagpipe, a strange creature native to the area. A fight usually ensues, wherein a local attempts to throttle the creature eliciting a terrible death-cry not soon forgotten.

Other things to see whilst in Edinburgh are Hollywood House, a stately home built by a rich American film producer in the 1930s and Lawnmarket, where all varieties of turf are sold, including pieces taken from Wembley Stadium in 1977.

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