Tourists have been flocking to Glastonbury ever since Joseph of Arimathea mislaid his favourite mug on Tor Hill. It wasn’t any old mug. It was the one from which a Jewish chap called Jesus drank his last cup of tea. According to legend, he was a PG Tips man.

Tor Hill was previously known as Avalon, in the days when it was an island, before the National Trust built a visitor centre and car park next to it. According to legend the monks of Glastonbury, in need of relieving themselves after numerous tankards of Mead Extra, found a tree with the inscriptions ‘Arthur + Guiny 4ever’ and ‘Boys, ring Lancey on 0998 798789 for some hot action’ chiseled on it. This proved without doubt that it was the Avalon of legend. From that day on it became a sacred place of pilgrimage and tea shops.

The Tor is also home to the Lord of the Underworld, known to the Celts as Paddy O’Nuddyars. He lives in a hollow beneath the hill and only comes out when the sun is at its highest point and there’s someone around willing to share a good spliff. It is also a place where fairies live. Much like any old hill anywhere really.

Today Glastonbury is known mainly for its annual orgy, which takes place in a muddy field. Thousands of people flock every summer to spread disease or take a drug overdose. Locals look forward to this event as it is the only fun they get. Binoculars do a roaring trade in the town. Second only to the trade in ‘Jesus Drank Out of Me’ mugs.

If you want somewhere steeped in ancient legend and souvenir shops Glastonbury is the place for you. But don’t go sober!

Other places to visit while in the area include the Chalice Well and Gardens where you can stroll beside the waters of peace, and consider chucking one of the noisy kids into it, Wearyall Hill where Joseph of Arimathea is said to have planted his staff, although we are unsure who the lucky lady was, and Lake Village Museum where you can imagine what life was like in Glastonbury before visitor centres and tea shops.

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