Is supermarket giant Tesco getting too big for its trolleys? That’s the question on shopper’s lips today after the company unveiled record annual profits of £2.03bn

One in eight pounds spent by British shoppers goes to Tesco, which is a scandal! Blighty just spent 9.50 at the local corner shop, why should Tesco get any of that? Tesco has also been accused of bullying smaller shop owners. If you’ve noticed your local green grocer missing the odd tooth recently, you know why.

Opinions have been mixed today. Mrs Kettlechip from Eccleshill thinks it has gone too far and that something should be done. ‘It’s gone too far, something should be done,’ she said, whilst piling squashy red tomatoes into her Tesco shopping trolley. ‘I blame the government, they’re only in it for themselves,’ she said, before moving to the frozen food aisle.

Mrs Joyce Juniper is in no doubt that the local green grocer is to blame. ‘He’s a miserable bugger, that Earnshaw,’ she said. ‘His daughter’s a bloody tramp too.’ Her friend chimed in, ‘You can’t buy DVDs or CDs, can you? What’s the point of that? You can’t even get any of those frozen curries Bernie likes so much. And they don’t have a loyalty card! Well, you don’t get my loyalty for nowt. What’s this about his daughter, Joyce?’

Ideas of how to attract shoppers back to the local corner shop vary. Slaughterhouse Butchers of Birkenhead have introduced topless shop keepers. During the two weeks of piloting the scheme profits haven’t altered, but boss Fred Slaughterhouse says that job satisfaction has improved immeasurably. His employees don’t agree however, as there have been one or two nasty accidents involving the bacon slicer.

The future for Fred and other local shop keepers looks bleak as Tesco threatens to expand further. The latest project in the pipeline is to buy out the town of Batley in West Yorkshire and turn it into the first megamarket. Dewsbury is the proposed car park. Where will it end?