Apparently half of British adults are fed up of being told what to eat by so-called do-gooders. Blighty has news for them, the other half of British adults are fed up of listening to you lot whinge all the time! It’s advice! No one is forcing you to eat anything. These are the same people who will be blaming the Government because they’re overweight next week or haven’t got any friends. Although the latter is hardly surprising. Daily Mail headline: ‘Since Tony Blair became Prime Minister I’ve had nobody to go the pub with’.

Apparently these poor blighters are confused by it all. One minute something is healthy and can get you a night with a top model, the next it can cause impotence or give you two heads. Now, Blighty has only been around the last few decades but we can’t recall ever being told that deep frying chocolate bars and serving them with tobacco shavings is healthy. And as far as we can remember fresh fruit and veg has never been responsible for heart disease or obesity.

Blighty has come up with a menu for these fed up adults. It will show those do-gooder, nannying, political-correctness gone MAAAD! fascists and no mistake. A starter of deep-fried cigarettes with a side-plate of three month old bread and lard. A main course of chicken lightly sauteed in a gallon of vodka served in its own blood with a side salad of fresh green mold. For dessert Blighty suggests a smack in the mouth with a large hammer. Then go jump off the highest cliff you can find. Happy now?