The Labour Party took centre stage today as they launched their manifesto. It is a chunky volume of 100 pages, compared to the bulemic tory moanifesto, which should ensure nobody actually reads it. During the launch at the Mermaid Theatre Blair stood in front of a bunch of extras collectively known as ‘the cabinet’. He […]

Is supermarket giant Tesco getting too big for its trolleys? That’s the question on shopper’s lips today after the company unveiled record annual profits of £2.03bn
One in eight pounds spent by British shoppers goes to Tesco, which is a scandal! Blighty just spent 9.50 at the local corner shop, why should Tesco get any […]

The campaign trail has really heated up today. It’s positively fizzing, or is that Michael Howard emitting spittle again?
The tories are the first to publish a manifesto, or rather, a moanifesto. It’s a slim volume, anorexic some might say. That’s because of the bile it keeps throwing up about immigration. But to be fair […]

Edinburgh is a small town north of England in a picturesque and idyllic theme park known as ‘Bonnie Scotland’. Unlike most of the surrounding area, people actually work in Edinburgh, and not all of them in the tourist industry. Indeed, it has many of the attractions found in towns elsewhere in the British Isles including […]

Thousands of households in Scotland have received calls this week from ex-007, ex-rug-head and ex-Scot Sean Connery asking them to vote for the Scottish National Party. It is an automated call made at random to people just about to sit down to haggis and neeps.
Connery is so much in favour of Scottish independence that he […]

There’s nothing like a bit of granny’s home cooked food to lift the spirits. This is especially the case if your grandmother happens to be Patricia Tabram of Hexham. She spikes her food with cannabis. As a result she ended up in the law courts for pushing drugs via her ever-popular soups and casseroles.
The prospect […]

Dorchester is in the heart of Thomas Hardy country, which means that it doesn’t actually exist. Although many claim to have visited this apocryphal town, they are usually people with bird’s nest hair called Earthworm, high on magic mushrooms. Hardly reliable types.
Just south of Dorchester, if it existed, are the Maumbury Rings. These are Stone […]

Those ne’er-do-wells from Hacksville have been at it again, breaking and entering. This time a Sun reporter has carried a box labelled ‘Bomb’ into the grounds of Windsor Castle. If this wasn’t enough to alert the 5 million quid security operation, he had ‘Tabloid Turd’ written across his forehead too.
The felon, Aaron Barschak, has done […]

Thug in a suit Nick Griffin was charged with four race hate offences today. He is leader of the British National Party, whose aim is to deport all the Afro-Caribbean, Asian, African, Saxon and Norman people of this multicultural land. As well as returning to old fashioned values such as thatching roofs, overcooking vegetables, wearing […]

Tony Blair has returned from seeing Queen about dissolving Parliament (she said it was ok apparently) and announced a 5th May election. As a result Blighty is starting a new series following the party leaders as they frantically smother the country in baby kisses.
The first thing to note is that if you’re a dishonest lazy […]