The town of Keswick lies on the shores of a large puddle called Derwentwater in the rain-sodden county of Cumbria. It is the furthest north of a series of puddles collectively known as the Puddle District. The Cumbrian tourist board try to market them as lakes, but the following diagram illustrates their error.

Keswick attracted many […]

The BBC have been forced to redesign their new weather map after numerous complaints from a place north of England called Scotland. Apparently the natives, known as Scots, were unhappy with the representation of their country as a small puddle in the northern distance. The new design corrects this by placing Scotland in the south […]

Nicholas Stadlen QC has just finished delivering the longest speech in British legal history. He closed it defending the Bank of England, although he had begun it defending the Mercia Building Society. As the QC finished his marathon address the judge said that he didn’t quite catch that and could he repeat it! Groans from […]

Anyone who thinks that cricket is the sport of gentlemen obviously hasn’t spent an afternoon in the Kirkstall Lane End at Headingley. For occupants of said stand what goes on on the field is of little consequence. In fact, most of them probably aren’t even aware that there is a field in front of them. […]

John O’Groats is mainly known for being the most northerly point in mainland Britain. But it isn’t.
Previous, more elaborate, Blighty Guides

The 14th century wasn’t a good time to open a beauty salon. Deep cleansing and exfoliation of the skin is all good and well, but when you have a boil on your neck the size of a football you really can’t be bothered with all that. As for manicures, they generally require the presence of […]

Conservative bigwigs have had a bit of a confab today to decide how to stop their branch members from meddling in the election their new leader. It has recently dawned upon them that their members are all mad. This moment of lucid thinking must be alarming to the Labour Party.

In the past the members of […]

What can we do with our out-of-control youth? It is the question on the lips of every decent, law-abiding citizen, scared to death by tabloid headlines and entirely hacked off by the inability to get his, or her, leg over any longer. Yes, it’s time for the older generation to fight back, from the comfort […]

In keeping with the trend of retro programming and nostalgia shows the BBC are to bring back the good old 1970s next Monday by going out on strike. Yes, you can relive the time-honoured tradition of men on picket lines beating up cleaning ladies as they try to get into work. Donkey jackets will be […]

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Thank you for your patience. Blighty will be returning to normal shortly…