Nuddy arsed rambler Stephen Gough is threatening to don his big boots and set off on another walk around the coast of Britain, frightening all the children and putting everyone off their fish and chips. He says that it beats hanging around in a mac down at the park any day. Better scenery and he doesn’t get arrested half as often.

Nuddy arse rambler doesn’t impress

However, this time the ex-marine exhibitionist, unimaginatively dubbed the naked rambler, is going to have a companion. But don’t get excited folks, it’s another bloke. His identity will remain unknown, but he is ‘up for doing it’ apparently. Blighty hopes he isn’t ‘up for it’ too much. According to eye witnesses, one consolation to the naked rambler’s previous trip was that there wasn’t much ‘going on’ anyway, especially after a few hours out in our withering climate. It’s terrible what a cold north easterly can do to your equipment.

Nuddy arse says that if he isn’t arrested this time it should take him two months to complete his journey, if he is arrested then it will be three months with time off for good behaviour. That means wearing some clothes presumably.

Opinion in towns he previously visited was mixed today. David Hindle of Whitehaven said that he ought to be castrated, ‘That’ll stop him exposing himself, bloody pervert.’ His wife, Marge, disagreed however. ‘I just hope his mate has more about him, if you know what I mean. It was all a bit of a let down last time. It does get chilly up here though.’ Mrs Thornton of Cornwall said that she was eating a cream tea when she was confronted by the naked rambler previously. ‘Put me right off,’ she said today, ‘I can’t look a dollop of Cornish cream in the face again. The man’s a menace.’