Television and radio stations are finding themselves in hot water today as they try to avoid displaying party political bias. As is customary no political debate is allowed to take place, or any partisanship shown, on election day. All television presenters will appear naked so as to avoid wearing clothing of any political colour, which is a grim prospect if you live in the Look North region and are witness to Harry Grayson and Christa Ackroyd in the nudd just when tea is being served. Enough to wilt anyone’s asparagus, that.

A neutral pepper on Election Day

Ready Steady Cook have had to change their usual team colours from Red Tomatoes and Green Peppers to Out of Season Slightly Puce Tomatoes and Various Shades of Ripeness Peppers (see above). And TV presenters have been warned explicitly by Michael Howard not to smirk at any time before the polls shut at 10pm. Then you can smirk your head off, apparently.

The changes to tonight’s TV scheduling are as follows:

BBC1
7:00 pm The People’s War has been cancelled after complaints by the LibDems.
8pm 20th Century Roadshow has been changed to 19th Century Roadshow due to request from the Conservatives
8.55pm Journey of Life has been changed to Journey of Life, Death and Undeath after Michael Howard complained.
and 9.55pm Election Night has been cancelled because the Conservatives claim it will show them in a bad light.

BBC2
7pm The Culture Show will now be replaced by the Multi-Culture show.

ITV
Tales from the Country has been changed to Tales from the Country and City by request of the Labour Party.

Channel 4
in a tit-for-tat move the Tories have insisted that 8.30pm City Gardener become City and Country Gardener.

Channel 5
8pm Charlie’s Angels is to be replaced by Charlie’s, Tony’s and Michael’s Angels

BBC Radio Four have yet to make a decision on whether or not to broadcast this evening’s scheduled adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

And finally, in accordance with the need for impartiality Blighty will not be promoting any of the political parties.

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