As the Election campaign turns into the home straight, and crowds in the grandstand mutter to themselves and look at their watches, there is some startling news in the Guardian. They have discovered that if Labour voters don’t turn out and vote Labour they won’t win the election! It will come as a shock to many on the left who thought that Blair was bound to win regardless of who voted for who, or didn’t vote at all. Blighty is glad the Guardian have cleared that one up.

Even Michael Howard claimed Labour were 2-nil up recently. He was apparently working on the assumption that people like an underdog. The logic seems to be that people will start to like the party they like the least because they don’t like them. Hm, got anything planned for the next four years Michael?

Peter Snow’s projection of the PM’s fat bloody hooter come May 6th

Of course, there are still many punters lining up to bloody Tony Blair’s much-maligned honker. The latest member of the public to take a stand is Nora Winthorpe, a cleaner from the North East. She says that because of the Iraq War her most valuable client went to cover events for a national newspaper. ‘It’s a disgrace,’ she said today. ‘It’s cost me 33 poond a week mun. It’s time someone took a stand like.’ She intends to stand against Blair in his Sedgefield constituency, if there’s any space left on the podium.

Elsewhere Charles Kennedy is today targeting Michael Howard’s seat. He has a big fat elastic band aimed right between the buttocks. Blighty hopes he wasn’t on the pop last night and his aim is true!

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