The first day back in Parliament proved a hectic one for the Commons staff. First they had the onerous task of rearranging the furniture. You know how it is when you have a dinner party and have to gather chairs from the front room, conservatory and loft to accommodate everyone in the dining room? Well, imagine having to remove all those benches from the Government side and carry them over to the opposition end. The result wasn’t completely satisfactory, as many Lib Dem MPs had to share seats with Conservatives, but some backbench tories seemed quite keen on the whole thing.

Man with a stick arriving at the commons today

After that, with the MPs in place, first day excitement abating, and the Commons staff finally settling down with a cup of tea, a lunatic arrived carrying a black stick! Commons staff threw down their cups of Twinings and rushed to the door of the house. They managed to shut out the intruder, who proceeded to bang on the door loudly enough to resurrect some of the Lords across the chamber. However, he was allowed in when it transpired that he had come directly from the Queen. She wanted to see everyone in her office pronto. Tony Blair looked taken aback, perhaps wondering if he’d taken things too far last term when he banned her doltish son from torturing wildlife as a hobby.

As it turned out Blair needn’t have worried. Old Liz seems to be quite a New Labourite, her wishes for the new Government echoing Labour’s manifesto quite closely. Howard didn’t look too happy, the blood draining from his face, a fate usually reserved for his victims. And Charles Kennedy was last seen heading for the Commons bar.