If you were King of England the 13th century was a bit of a bugger. The Magna Carta meant that you could no longer parade through Tesco’s checkout without paying. You had the church on your back demanding money for leaking roofs, or for actually attaching one to Salisbury Cathedral. Uppity barons wouldn’t let you […]

The first day back in Parliament proved a hectic one for the Commons staff. First they had the onerous task of rearranging the furniture. You know how it is when you have a dinner party and have to gather chairs from the front room, conservatory and loft to accommodate everyone in the dining room? Well, […]

Hundreds of angry motorists are lining the streets of Weston-super-Mare waiting for the sun to come out. This chaos has been caused by North Somerset Council’s decision to install solar-powered ticket machines on the sea front. Since being installed they have only triggered into power once, last Friday, when the cloud thinned for a couple […]

The problem for anyone lucky enough to own possessions in the 12th century was the unsatisfactory state of home security. It was very primitive, a ripple on the moat being enough to set off the alarm. Not everyone could afford their own army of Welsh archers after all. Those that could promptly had them stolen […]

A cleaner at the Met Office yesterday bought a tube of factor 3 sun-cream and booked a holiday to Margate in July leading all today’s newspapers to forecast a British heatwave this summer. Many of us are going to die apparently, especially if temperatures in Northern Scotland rise above freezing. The Met Office have been […]

The thing everyone knows about Ilkley is that you shouldn’t go up its hill baht tat unless you want to get a cold t’ed and go reet off your tripe and vinegar. For those of you not fluent in Yorkshire that means, one is recommended to wear an appropriate head garment to prevent a chill […]

In light of the tabloid newspapers obsession with the ‘good old days’ and Britons forever expressing dissatisfaction with 21st century life, Blighty is beginning a new series. We are taking the Blighty Time Machine through the centuries and it starts here with a look at the 11th century, the limit to this prototype’s reach. We […]

Our rural landscape is in danger of turning as blue as it is on the political map. In a programme of horticultural ethnic cleansing a fifth of British wild flowers are being killed off, and they’re all red! Keith Kellerman of Plant Watch says it must stop now. As he stands before a field of […]

Prime Minister Tony Blair was returned to power last night, leaving Michael Howard to ponder on the fact he was beaten by someone less popular than a paedophile asylum seeking gypsy carrying bird flu. Consequently Howard deported himself back to Transylvania, where he will spend more time with his breed.
However, there is little celebrating going […]

Nuddy arsed rambler Stephen Gough is threatening to don his big boots and set off on another walk around the coast of Britain, frightening all the children and putting everyone off their fish and chips. He says that it beats hanging around in a mac down at the park any day. Better scenery and he […]