American homes are more dangerous than London!
In the aftermath of the London bombings, with the call for western nations to be seen to stand together in the face of terrorism, the US army have told their staff to keep away because it’s “a ickle bit fwightning”. Today, in an effort to attract the American military back to the capital, Nellie Clarkson, a seventy-two year old office cleaner from Chingford, offered to hold their hand. As a consequence the US military have reluctantly retracted the advise, but they’ve told staff not to leave Mrs Clarkson’s side or talk to strange men offering them “candy”.
The population of London currently exceeds seven million people. Twenty five million tourists visit London annually, and another six hundred and fifty thousand commute. That means that the chances of being killed by a terrorist in London during the last year was around one in six hundred and odd thousand. In 1998 (the figure Blighty could find) 28,200 Americans died in their homes and the population in 2000 was 281,421,906 which means that around one in ten thousand died watching Desparate Housewives or playing with their firearms, or whatever it is Americans do at home.*
The conclusion is startlingly obvious. Get out of your homes Americans, it’s not safe! And visit London!
*These figures could be inaccurate due to them having been compiled by Blighty. Any corrections are welcome.
Posted: July 12th, 2005 under Commentary.
Comments: 14
Comments
Comment from RuKsaK
Time: July 12, 2005, 3:13 pm
I wouldn’t correct a damn thing - who needs clarity for statistics which are mighty?
Comment from John
Time: July 12, 2005, 6:41 pm
That explains so much! Especially why my pet hamster suddenly scurried from underneath the couch yesterday, squeeked “Allahu Akbar!” and detonated himself along with family cat. I need a plane ticket for London.
Seriously, though, I very much admire British unflappability in the face of these attacks. I also offer my condolences and prayers for those killed and those who lost loved ones because of these acts of terror.
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 12, 2005, 8:26 pm
Yep, the stats speak for themselves Ruksak!
It definitely sounds like you should seek refuge in London John!
Comment from Homo Insapiens
Time: July 13, 2005, 12:30 am
Your exhaustive analysis of the safety situation and compelling statistical research is very timely. With any luck I’ll be in the Pig & Whistle shortly and feeling all the better and safer for it!
Comment from hibiscus anne
Time: July 13, 2005, 1:12 am
FWIW, I disagree with this (telling our military personnel and families to stay away from London) Makes us look like wimps! (And this lady typing here is NO wimp, I can assure you.) It’s embarrassing, and I know most, if not all, of our military feel the same way.
May God bless brave Britain, and I STILL plan on visiting next year! (and do another pub crawl. 
)
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 13, 2005, 10:02 am
HI and Anne, it seems that any thoughts of visiting England involve going to the pub. The way it should be!
Comment from herge smith
Time: July 13, 2005, 11:22 am
Interesting, very interesting. I saw a lovely piece of ‘journalism’ over at IMDB - http://www.imdb.com/news/wenn/2005-07-12/#3
I almost threw up - oh Scarlett is soooo brave coming to London ground zero. Seriously, this is light of your astounding (and well researched) facts!!
Marlowe, you should contact her agents and put them straight!.
Comment from herge smith
Time: July 13, 2005, 11:28 am
Plus (I’m all angry now) PLUS - it ain’t like the US hasn’t got a ’slight’ problem with bloody gun crime - why be scared of terrorists? At the rate you gun totting loons are topping eachother there won’t be anything left for the terrorists to blow up.
Ahem. Feel better now. Tar.
Comment from Scott
Time: July 13, 2005, 1:49 pm
oh crap, I married an American service woman, you are right the USAF sent a directive for all it’s personnel to stay away from London for 48 hours! I guess the media got hold of the wrong end of the stick and made it worse than it was.
What worries me more is that we have survived the long odds of injury in London, only now to be going to the States for 5 weeks. Wish us luck!
BTW, I have you blog rolled if that’s ok as I enjoy reading your posts.
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 13, 2005, 3:08 pm
Hi Herge, thanks for your comments! I think that Scarlett bird is braver when she crosses the road. Glad Blighty was of help getting things off your chest.
Hi Scott, good luck in the US. Keep out of all those dangerous homes! Thanks for blogrolling me 
Comment from Chandira
Time: July 14, 2005, 5:56 pm
LOL…
I’m an English person living in the US. It’s WAY scarier here than London!!! WTF?? After all, we’re sort of used to bombs n’ stuff, aren’t we? I am NOT used to drive-by shootings, crack addicts and redneck fundamentalists.
At least the IRA used to call and let us know. As somebody said, we’re dealing with a lower class of terrorist lately, and that I will not stand for. Somebody make them a cup of tea, sit them down and tell them to call us first… it’s only polite. But, London is still safer.
I’m coming home for a visit in October. Yay!
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 14, 2005, 7:23 pm
Hi Chandira, have you tried feeding tea to the redneck fundamentalists? Can they drink through those funny looking white masks?
Comment from dweller
Time: July 23, 2005, 6:27 pm
great commentary,
I’m enjoying reading your blog.
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 24, 2005, 12:39 pm
Thanks Dweller! Glad you’re enjoying my posts
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