Holidaying in the UK Part 3 - Bamburgh Hall Farm
For an establishment to be afforded the accolade Grottiest Bed and Breakfast in the UK, it has to go beyond mere discomfort and hideous decor. Competition is keen in this particular category as it is an industry stuck firmly in the 1950s. Bamburgh Hall Farm, however, seems to be stuck in the Jacobean period, as Blighty can attest, and is a very worthy candidate for the title.
As the Blighty family consists of two adults and a four month old baby, we were given the top floor. And we mean the whole of the top floor, which may sound grandiose, but in this case having a whole floor was rather like eating a three year old maggot invested carrot cake rather than indulging in a mere slice of it. The decor consists of uncovered plasterboard and a collage of faded old pictures and it is liberally furnished with various bits of old junk. Even the rickety wardrobe housed many old waistcoats and a selection of ties! It seemed as though the owners had converted this attic space into B&B accommodation by sticking two single beds among all their rubbish!
Now, to those beds. The piece de resistance of the whole set up. The feature that separates Bamburgh Hall Farm from mere B&B dross that is common-place in the UK. The beds are to sleeping what a Dixons shop assistant is to informative advice. Any pressure on the mattress would cause it to sink about two feet below its starting point. Once safely on board any movement could lead to a kind of sea-sickness. Ms Blighty didn’t sleep a wink, Blighty got a bad back, and Blighty Jnr had the best deal as she was tucked up comfortably in her new travel cot, albeit encamped in unsalubrious surroundings.
In a word the top floor of Bamburgh Hall Farm is uninhabitable. That’s why the Blighty family fled at around 7.00 in the morning leaving a note saying that we’d send a cheque to make up the cost of one night’s stay. So we can’t give comment on the breakfast, it could have been the best in the world, but after a night in that place the old appetite had gone AWOL.
Do any Blighty readers have camping knowledge?
Previous Holidaying in the UK posts and other Blighty Guides
Posted: July 18th, 2005 under Blighty Guides.
Comments: 13
Comments
Comment from hibiscus anne
Time: July 18, 2005, 8:01 pm
Any b&bs fellow readers (and the Blighty family, of course!) can recommend?
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 18, 2005, 8:30 pm
Whereabouts? I can think of a few that were above the usual standard. If we go anywhere for a week we always go self-catering. But most SC places don’t allow you to book short-breaks in season.
Comment from hibiscus anne
Time: July 18, 2005, 8:52 pm
I was thinking Cornwall. I’m in love with their ice cream. 
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 18, 2005, 10:48 pm
Cornwall is a place we stay at for the week so go self-catering. http://www.estuarycottages.co.uk/ in Fowey were ok, although the website isn’t the best. We used http://www.coastandcountry.co.uk/ of Salcombe and Dartmouth last year, just over the border in Devon. Both great towns to stay in btw. My favourite seaside resort is St Ives but I can’t find the SC company we used at the mo.
Comment from Homo Insapiens
Time: July 19, 2005, 2:16 pm
According to the B&B Standards Review Authority (an advisory group to the Government Measurment and Guidance Initiative on Non-Domestic Accomodation), Bamford Hall Farm has been urged to install a pants press and Teesmade on the upper floor to bring it into compliance with the European Directive on the Provision of Sonambulent Areas for Peripatetic Persons.
Furthermore, HM Government are determined to be tough on backaches and tough on the causes of backaches and have invested £300 million in the provision of a spinal discomfort hotline capable of responding to the multi-cultural requirements of its customers.
As to your actions of the morning after your stay at Bamford Hall Farm, please refer to National Staionery Office XL-982, ‘Quitting Accomodation in Hurried Circumstances’ to self-assess the level of penalty to be submitted to the DEFRA Rural Hovel Enforcement Unit and forward said penalty to their offices at Bleak House, Loose Chippings Near Verge, ZY9 009
Yours sincerely
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 19, 2005, 10:26 pm
Thanks for looking into it HI. You’ve obviously had experience of British B&Bs yourself.
Comment from hibiscus anne
Time: July 20, 2005, 11:57 pm
Well Blighty, the husband unit wants to go to the Cotswalds.
What is “self-catering”? Bring your own food, bevies, soap, towels, etc?
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 21, 2005, 10:10 pm
We have stayed at a B&B in the Cotswolds. At Chipping Camden. That was pretty decent. You got afternoon tea free too.
Self-catering is basically renting a cottage or apartment for a week. More freedom and space than other kinds of accommodation. I find B&Bs a bit suffocating myself.
Comment from hibiscus anne
Time: July 22, 2005, 12:35 am
Chipping Camden!
That’s specifically the place my hubby mentioned. Might go for a self catering, but the only thing I see advertised on the net is for weekly rentals. (we’d only need a weekend)
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 22, 2005, 6:46 pm
That’s the problem with self-catering, in the summer anyway. You can get short-breaks most places off season.
We stayed at Badgers Hall - http://www.badgershall.co.uk/
Lots of character, but unlike Bamburgh, neat and tidy too. It’s also a tearoom hence the freebie afternoon tea.
Comment from Doris
Time: July 25, 2005, 9:09 pm
Gosh! We’ve just spent a weekend near there and this B&B was one I had considered but opted for somewhere else. Very nice it was too! Hope your entire stay wasn’t blighted by the experience. Lovely part of the country, that’s for sure. I’ve blogrolled you 
Comment from Marlowe
Time: July 25, 2005, 9:53 pm
Hi Doris thanks for your post and for blogrolling me. You had a lucky escape, although I don’t think the other rooms were as bad as the attic. I’m not sure how many times they’d actually used that before as accommodation. The whole place is in need of a face-lift though, it’s very shabby. It doesn’t have a b&b sign either, which seemed odd.
Comment from disgruntled
Time: September 21, 2005, 10:08 pm
I spent a miserable night there at the weekend. Tried everywhere else after sighting to try and do a runner but thwarted! No vacancies elsewhere. Friends were allocated the upstairs - Oh my God! I thought ours was grim. I refused breakfast on the grounds I might not make it home afterwards.
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