An injured player is booed by opposition fans for nearly having his leg broken by their lunatic number six, managers commit multiple malapropisms in post-match interviews and a director of QPR is forced at gunpoint to resign from the club. Yes, the football season is here again.

American money-man Malcolm Glazer takes over at Manchester United PLC

The worst thing about football is the way it turns otherwise sensible men into raving idiots. This isn’t always the case of course, many of them are raving idiots without needing football to spur them in to action. And to what end? A football season has always meant success for a very small minority and despair for the rest, but nowadays it’s always the same minority. A perusal of the bank balance would be sufficient, why bother with the games causing all that expense in police numbers? Especially in these days of suicide bombers. They have enough to do without chaperoning opposing Neanderthals through city centres.

And what about those poor Manchester United fans? They’re peeved because a rich American businessman with no knowledge of football has taken over the club. The only shame is that it isn’t Walt Disney taking over the reigns. Manchester United and Disney shops could merge, selling Mickey Mouse merchandise next to Wayne Rooney dolls in Asia. Man U are a product and were so long before Malcolm Glazer took over.

Then there are the players. Put on a pedestal, paid ridiculous money, think they can get away with murder, and often do. Well, GBH anyway. Both on and off the field. But the fans would support their darling number nine even if he was a proven serial killer, as long as he kissed the badge after scoring and gave the required ‘110 percent’ (sic). In fact, if the victims supported the opposition the killer would be celebrated as a hero!

Apparently the attendances in the Premiership look set to be down this season. The first signs that football’s over-inflated bubble is about to burst? Pop!