You know what it’s like. You’re house hunting. You find a place that meets all your requirements. The right area, good view, ample space, no teenagers living next door. But there’s just something not right. A missing piece of the jigsaw. What you really want is a free pig chucked in! Well, that’s what some house developers in Gloucestershire seem to think. They’re giving away a pig with every purchase.

Apparently these pigs are fully house trained. They flush the loo after themselves and even put down the toilet seat. Not only that, they’re cheap to feed. A bag of swill will see them right, and if you haven’t any handy Bernard Matthews Turkey Twizzlers will do. However, if a pig isn’t quite the pet your kids had in mind, instead of keeping it on a rug in front of the fire you can keep it on a farm. Just pick it up when it’s been turned into bacon and sausages. Remember, a pig isn’t just for a house move, it’s for breakfast.

A couple have already taken the developers up on the offer. Mrs Gloria Trotter says that she’d hardly notice the difference between the pig and her husband, Bert. Although, she expects that it will probably have better manners and won’t smell quite so bad in the morning. The RSPCA aren’t too happy with this porky promotion though. They’re worried that the animals will be mistreated by uncaring owners. As opposed to being chucked in a frying pan and eaten with fried tomatoes.

Of course, as soon as one bright spark has a new idea, there’s another one round the corner ready to take it a step further. A company in Somerset are considering offering a herd of cows with their house sales, although it will be exclusive to their four bedroom homes, and there’s talk in Scotland of giving away a free haggis, if they can catch one. For vegetarians, Bellway have suggested a packet of Linda McCartney sausages and a bag of frozen Quorn pieces.