It’s official, British supermarkets are more interested in what the veg on their shelves looks like than they are in its taste. Thousands of tons of unpretty groceries are chucked away every year because it doesn’t resemble the veg on the cover of magazines and on TV cookery shows. Misshapen peppers are discarded like a pregnant supermodel, knobbly carrots spurned like an impotent lover.

And it’s not only size that matters in the world of British veg. Blemishes are a no-no, as is individuality. Every item should be of identical size and appearance, although a baking potato is allowed to differ from a garden pea… for the time being.

A spokesman for one supermarket, who wants to remain anonymous, has told Blighty that some of their veg is actually made of plastic. ‘Well, it looks so much better on the shelves for our customers to walk past on their way to the readymeals section. We don’t actually sell much of it anyway so who cares what it tastes like?’

Shoppers expressed differing views today. Jeane Roughen from Slagworth said that unattractive veg had no place on the shelves. ‘It’s just not nice seeing ugly great potatoes staring back at you. Some of ‘em look like they’ve come out of the ground! Puts you right off your Bird’s Eye Turkey Platter.’ However, Sarah Spiffing from Chalfont St Posh said that she has been on holiday to Italy and that British veg is very poor by comparison. She blames Tony Blair. ‘It’s all style and no substance,’ she said. ‘Typical of this frightful government!’

So, next time you’re in the supermarket looking for a potato to have with your Bernard Matthews Golden Drummers have a thought for the spotty, disfigured one that was rejected.