Drinking and drinking
Britain has a drink problem, we all know that. We’re the drunks of Europe… hic. We are a lushy island sinking in an ocean of pure alcohol, looking across at France and asking them, ‘What are you looking at, did you knock over our pint?!’ Or are we? There are actually nine European countries who drink more than we do. The urge to urinate the resulting waste down continental streets, like dogs marking territory, doesn’t seem to occur however.
Europe, on the beer again
Our drink problem, then, isn’t in the amount we consume, but the way we do it. The French actually taste the drink before gulping it down the old neck, it seems. They drink with meals only. It’s just that they drink with every meal: breakfast, lunch, mid-afternoon snack, washing down a gob-stopper. In the UK, however, a night on the beer is preceded by a bout of fasting, ensuring that the alcohol has the desired effect. The point is to get drunk after all. We don’t want food getting in the way, soaking it all up!
Dr Aisha Holloway, chairman of the Nursing Council on Alcohol, claims that the problem is the pattern of consumption. She says that, “If the French are consuming at a more even consumption level, maybe two or three units every day, then that is better for you than going out and drinking 28 to 30 units at the weekend.”
This sounds reasonable enough. The more perceptive of you might have noticed a problem with this comment, however. Dr Holloway has the Brits knocking back 30 units in a weekend and the French 14 to 21 units a week! Dr Aisha, the French drink more than us, haven’t you heard?! The French must be drinking around 5 units a day at least, and that’s dependent on us boozy Brits not drinking at all during the week. Never trust doctors on the subject of alcohol, they always exaggerate for effect.
The biggest boozers in Europe are the liver soaked burghers of Luxembourg. They have beer coming out of the taps, apparently. They bathe in the stuff. Gargle with it. Wash their cars in it! Is this all true, or has Blighty been on the Merlot again? Hic…
Posted: November 17th, 2005 under Commentary.
Comments: 9
Comments
Comment from cube
Time: November 17, 2005, 5:15 pm
Loved the tipple post, but it really didn’t solve the problem. It doesn’t matter who drinks the most, they all need to cut back before their respective livers achieve pate consistency.
Comment from Blighty
Time: November 17, 2005, 11:22 pm
When you see how much people really do drink, as opposed to what they say they drink, and read what the medical profession advise, you would think we should all be dead.
Comment from Riss
Time: November 18, 2005, 7:40 am
I always knew there was a reason I loved the British.
Comment from Riss
Time: November 18, 2005, 7:41 am
I always knew there was a reason I loved the British.
Comment from Blighty
Time: November 18, 2005, 11:08 am
Hi Riss, you mean you’ve been on the beer too? 
Comment from Homo Insapiens
Time: November 18, 2005, 12:51 pm
But the Continentals are rank amateurs! Johnny Foreigner could never get legless under the pressure of last orders. Meeting them on the beaches after last orders with the cry ‘Oi, you lot…piss off’ will always be the first line of defence.
Regards
Comment from Blighty
Time: November 18, 2005, 5:37 pm
True, HI, there are some things you simply can’t beat us Brits on. We will outdrink them on the beaches indeed!
Comment from Ski ov Norwich
Time: January 14, 2006, 6:19 pm
Yes we do, as a nation have a ‘drink problem’.And we all know this is simply a cultural thing.The Euro types are just more mild-mannered than us.Also they embrace alcohol in a different way to us.I am so proud to be British/English or English/British, who knows how i should describe my nationality these days. I was telling someone i was English and they insisted i was British but to be honest i want to English before i am British. Anyway back to the point:As a nation(Britain) we are very different to those euro types and everyone else in fact.Our attitudes are different and although i should go into detail about this as it might explain why we are a nation of lushes and binge drinkers(never did me any harm(i don’t think)),I have probably pontificated too much already(amazing what a couple of vodkas will do).We all know we are different to the rest of the world.Britain is the size of a small American state but we have the strongest currency and more people from more countries wanting to come and live,work or sponge off our welfare state(or all 3 in some cases) than any country.Face it we are the greatest.would you want to live anywhere else.If you lived somewhere warmer what would you complain about.Raise your full glass to Great Brittania and all the superb people that make it a Great Nation.I’ll drink to that(hic).
Comment from Blighty
Time: January 14, 2006, 9:32 pm
What he said, hic…
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