The largest cruise ship in the world has arrived at Southamton Docks, casting the south of England into shade and confusing local birdlife. Keen sun-bathers, heartened by the recent thaw, are said to be fuming. Judy Punchers from Dorchester was on the beach at Lyme Regis when the eclipse occured. ‘It was just getting warm enough to take my coat off,’ she said. ‘Then suddenly this shadow creeps along the beach like winter.’

The giant Cruise Liner

Freedom of the Seas has been likened to a floating city, boasting its own shopping mall, drug problem and twenty-three Starbucks coffee shops. And like any city of consequence, the rush hour traffic is atrocious, a bottleneck developing every morning outside the swimming pool area. The swimming pool being a giant lake surrounded by mountains and people with stumpy legs walking around in hiking boots.

It will leave Southampton on Wednesday, thereby giving the south coast back its tepid sun. Then it will head for New York where it will become the 51st state of America.