Short men are always getting into fights apparently. Overcompensating for their lack of stature, that kind of thing. One can only ponder at the atmosphere in the Jockey’s enclosure on race day, all those little blokes in silly outfits hyped up, practising their whipping techniques, some deciding in which furlong to chuck the race. So it was hardly surprising to hear that jockey Paul O’Neill has been banned from racing for headbutting. But that the recipient of his nut job was a horse called City Affair came as a shock! How did he reach? Did he jump?

The Horse Regulatory Authority obviously don’t look kindly on their animals getting nutted, so they banned O’Neill from racing… for one day. At least horses know that they can safely stroll about the paddock without fear of getting a Glasgow kiss from the Horse Botherer O’Neill for twenty-four hours. The ban obviously didn’t go down too well in the horse world, however. It seems that a gang of City Affair’s mates, including the champion hurdler Aromatic Underwear, jumped O’Neill one night as he was coming home from his Kick Boxing class, and hoofed him to within an inch of his life. Aromatic Underwear has been banned from racing for a day by the Jockey Regulatory Authority and O’Neill is considering a career change, with the French football team said to be interested in filling a recent vacancy.