German authorities are coming to terms with the fact that 100 000 English football fans will be travelling to their country next summer. At least 50 000 of them are expected to be drunk and singing songs about World War II. This, they suspect, could lead to problems.

Hosts of previous football championships have employed […]

It’s official, British supermarkets are more interested in what the veg on their shelves looks like than they are in its taste. Thousands of tons of unpretty groceries are chucked away every year because it doesn’t resemble the veg on the cover of magazines and on TV cookery shows. Misshapen peppers are discarded like a […]

The news media are often faced with a dilemma when two or more big stories compete for attention. Yesterday, for example, as the real impact of Hurricane Katrina came to light, the tragedy only just being comprehended, around 1000 Iraqis were killed in a bizarre stampede caused by rumour. Which is the bigger story? Which […]

Hallelujah it is a miracle. The face of Jesus Christ has appeared in a hawthorn tree in West Sussex. A couple found him in their garden. Usually they would call in the police to get rid of the intruder but on this occasion they called in a pastor instead, who, being as deluded as them, […]

An injured player is booed by opposition fans for nearly having his leg broken by their lunatic number six, managers commit multiple malapropisms in post-match interviews and a director of QPR is forced at gunpoint to resign from the club. Yes, the football season is here again.

American money-man Malcolm Glazer takes over at Manchester United […]

Blighty returns from London sad to report that the terrorists have made a victory of sorts. The tourist industry has been so badly hit that you can even get close enough to the Rosetta Stone to see part of it. Albeit through a forest of American and Japanese cameras. Trying to walk through Leicester Square […]

The BBC are reporting on a new phenomenon gripping the nation, and it must be if they’ve heard about it. It is known as blogging and results in bizarre websites called blogs. Apparently they are popular with people who want to share their thoughts online, whether anyone is interested in reading them or not.

Of […]

In the aftermath of the London bombings, with the call for western nations to be seen to stand together in the face of terrorism, the US army have told their staff to keep away because it’s “a ickle bit fwightning”. Today, in an effort to attract the American military back to the capital, Nellie Clarkson, […]

As Florida braces itself for Hurricane Dennis the west of England is getting ready to face its own meteorological onslaught as Bit Windy Cecil threatens to strike. Bit Windy Cecil is closely related to Breezy Betty which hit the same part of the Cumbrian coast in the spring - Cecil’s older sister it seems. This […]

Ever heard of the blitz? A mere inconvenience. Back to work in the morning.