Prime Minister Tony Blair was returned to power last night, leaving Michael Howard to ponder on the fact he was beaten by someone less popular than a paedophile asylum seeking gypsy carrying bird flu. Consequently Howard deported himself back to Transylvania, where he will spend more time with his breed.
However, there is little celebrating going […]

Television and radio stations are finding themselves in hot water today as they try to avoid displaying party political bias. As is customary no political debate is allowed to take place, or any partisanship shown, on election day. All television presenters will appear naked so as to avoid wearing clothing of any political colour, which […]

As coffin-snoozer Michael Howard prepares to lead his band of living dead known as the Conservatives into another electoral defeat, it seems as though he may have support from some unusual places - the spiritual world. Yes, the astonishing news has come to light that in some London constituencies there will be ghosts voting on […]

As the Election campaign turns into the home straight, and crowds in the grandstand mutter to themselves and look at their watches, there is some startling news in the Guardian. They have discovered that if Labour voters don’t turn out and vote Labour they won’t win the election! It will come as a shock to […]

It’s that time in the election campaign when the great and good declare their voting intentions. Yes, those celebrities everyone has forgotten about drag themselves out of rehab and try to court publicity by saying they intend to vote Conservative.
It’s good to know who to boycott in future. As is usually the case, however, if […]

Political analysts are getting their notepads in a twist about the contradictory messages emanating from recent polls. They are indicating anything from a massive drubbing for the Conservatives by Labour to a modest sized drubbing for the Conservatives by Labour. The Sunday Torygraph yesterday (being Sunday and all that) gave Labour their biggest lead yet […]

Another day another diatribe about immigration, asylum seekers, travellers and political correctness (all together now) GONE MAAAAD! from Michael Howard. Are the tories a single issue party nowadays? Giving minorities a kicking is obviously Howard’s top priority. Tighten up on immigration, chuck travellers into the streets, allow Bernard Manning back on the TV and everything […]

Drum roll please! Finally cleaned of baby sick, the Lib Dem manifesto is now in the public domain. Charles Kennedy announced the document launch from deep inside the New Forest, betraying his lack of marketing nous. The journos who did manage to find him, camped out in a clearing heating up a tin of baked […]

With Charlie Kennedy preoccupied changing nappies, Lord Shirley Williams of Crosby, Stills and Nash was on Radio Five Live this afternoon illustrating once again how the Lib Dems are different from the other dishonest, obsequious politicians in Electionland. She’s a great sports fan, Shirley. When talking about her Merseyside constituency she said that she thinks […]

The Labour Party took centre stage today as they launched their manifesto. It is a chunky volume of 100 pages, compared to the bulemic tory moanifesto, which should ensure nobody actually reads it. During the launch at the Mermaid Theatre Blair stood in front of a bunch of extras collectively known as ‘the cabinet’. He […]